A Journey Into Self-Love and Healing

I hope sharing my story can help someone else.

For the past 1 to 1 ½ years I had grown increasing tired, found it a challenge to do the simplest of tasks. I would sleep more and more as the months went by without ever feeling rested and rejuvenated.  I was gaining more and more weight, I was having crazy food cravings and on an emotional roller coaster.  I kept making excuses not to check into what I was feeling.  Maybe it was because of the move that I had made two years ago, maybe it was because I was living in an area with snow most of the winter, maybe it was because I was working and driving for almost 11 hours every day during the week.  Maybe it was because I was trying to do too much between working and then doing my healing work on the off hours.   On and on it went.  I was starting to feel scared.

This past Christmas I went to visit my daughter in Oregon for a week, I was so excited to be there and see her, normally we run around, laugh, have fun at doing so many of the same things we like to do…but this time I could barely make it through a day trip to Seattle.  Then the rest of the week I slept a whole lot.  This was not what I had wanted or planned.

I came back home and knew something wasn’t right.  I needed to make changes but I wasn’t sure where to start.  As if to answer my question, when I returned to work after the holiday my employer offered a Biggest Loser Program for 4 months.  Whoever lost the biggest ratio of weight to body weight won $500 and 2 domestic round trip airfare tickets.   I thought this was great.  I signed up, started the change in diet; I gradually worked my way up to exercising 5 days a week within 3 weeks.  Over those 3 weeks I began feeling better.  I lost 12 pounds at that point.  I was stopped in my tracks by getting really sick.  At the time I thought it was the flu that had made me sick which then turned into bronchitis.  I was in bed for about 10 days.   I returned to work but I had lost all the steam that had motivated me prior to being sick.   I felt worse, with even less energy.

A friend had share some information on a web cast about ayurvedic & kundalina yoga program.   It resonated with me so I listened to the web cast, purchased the program, and then signed up for their rejuvenation retreat.   I was very excited about the prospect of this retreat.   Prior to going to the retreat, I would have bouts of a 24-hour flu bug it seemed, fever, chills, body aches, etc.  I would be in bed for the entire time…sleeping and feeling miserable.  I could barely go to work each day when I needed to and I continued with my healing practice.

I went to the retreat.  I ate wonderful organic food prepared for me, I did kundalini yoga, and I did the meditation practices, all of it for 5 days straight.  I camped outside, under the oak trees.  I did all the things I would normally believe would make me feel better.  I was in a very high frequency environment with high frequency people.   Yet I returned home even more exhausted than when I left.   Something was very wrong, I needed to face it….but how and in what way.

As the days went by, in one week two different people that didn’t know I was talking to the other about how I was feeling each mentioned the same person’s name to me.  The synchronicity of this was such a blessing.  I was told about a Kinesiologist that did long distance treatments, and that possibly she could help me.   I didn’t even know what a Kinesiolgist did, but I thought I needed to listen what the Universe was sharing with me.  So I did some research and found out about Kinesiology.   I was also told that this person in particular had specific gifts, not just technically but intuitively.  She could see and sense things.   So I decided to make an appointment.

As it turns out my endocrine system and adrenal glands were barely functioning.  My hormones were also in an imbalanced state as well. She told me that the well (which was me) had very little left in it.  That I had been depleting it for too long without putting anything back in, which apparently is not uncommon in women as well as healers.   So my task was to put everything else on the back burner and completely focus on my well being, something I had resisted doing for many years.   I was given specific things to work on, one piece of it was a cleanse diet.   For two weeks I was to eat only protein, greens, fruit and drink water.  No carbs, no refined sugar, no grains, no caffeine, no alcohol and no nuts. Apparently I also had some food allergies as well.  I was also supporting this regime with herbal supplements for the hormonal balancing, along with a flower essence tincture.  I had never used or knew much about flower essences, so this was my introduction to them.   What lovely gifts they are.   I did my healing work pieces for myself, along with the cleanse and taking the supplements.   My stomach started to feel better, I no longer had heartburn after I ate, nor the bloating, and gas that usually visited right afterwards.  I lost 11 pounds in those two weeks.   I was still very tired but I felt hopeful.

A few weeks ago, I had my second session.  I was on the right track, things within my body were aligning and that was all great news.  It would take time but I was making progress.  The other piece to this session was that my body was apparently asking for a Candida kill cleanse.  I had heard of Candida about five or six years ago, when my Reiki teacher had brought it up.  At the time I listened, related to some of it but was not ready to go there.  Candida is a type of fungus that grows within your body but if this fungus gets out of balance, and overtakes your body it can wreak all types of havoc.   This can happen if you have taken allot of antibiotics that kill the good stuff that keeps Candida in check.  I hadn’t taken antibiotics for years, mainly when I was in high school I had allot of antibiotics for different things I was experiencing.   So that told me I had been carrying this imbalance for many years.  So this cleanse consisted of a stricter diet for 30 days, only protein, greens and water.   I also was to stay on the hormone supplements, along with broad-spectrum probiotics, a Candida killer and one other supplement.  Apparently Candida usually causes issues in the stomach and lower digestive tract.  I had that, but I also had it affecting my brain.  So the last supplement was to help with clearing that.

I’ve just completed my first week of the 30-day cleanse.   I’m already feeling better.   I was told I could possibly experience debilitating side affects as my body released the toxins.  I just asked the Universe if that was the case, then to make the side effects very gentle or non-existent.  So far, I haven’t had really any issues.  In fact I’ve noticed more clarity during the day, as well as more energy.   I’ve also noticed that I sleep really deeply and that I’m starting to remember my dreams, which I have not done as an adult…. only if it’s been a bad dream.  I realize that as I am cleansing my body, I am also cleansing my spirit, my sub-consciousness, and consciousness.   It’s true the saying you are what you eat.  I’m really excited to see where I am in another month. When I had my second session, she told me that after 30 days I would feel like a brand new person.   I can see that flicker of light.

I feel excited about my prospects.  I also know that I need to make some decisions about a few things in my life.  I am waiting till I finish this cleanse to make those decisions.  I feel whatever I would choose now, I would not choose in a couple of weeks.  So for now I will wait.   It feels good taking care of myself, putting myself first.  I’m also learning to set boundaries as well as say no.  I’ve reached out to family, friends and co-workers to help in supporting me on this journey.  They have been very supportive.  Something I would not have done in the past.   It feels really good to love myself and to do the best for me.   Ultimately learning to love myself makes it so much easier to love others.

I am truly thankful for this challenge, because I can see the gifts within. I am thankful for each day, each moment and discovering new things about myself.

My wish for everyone is that they love themselves, completely and wholly.   And if you don’t know how, find a path that works for you.  The Universe will help you, just as it did me.  You can choose to do it on your own or like me the choice will be made for you.   You will do what works for you if not now, then later. 🙂