To me life has always been about becoming a better me than I was the day before. It’s also been about understanding and forgiving events, as well as circumstances that happened in my life to me as well as thru me to others. Becoming a better me includes expanding, growing, changing and learning about myself from the inside out. I strive to embrace each of these components in as graceful a way as possible, sometimes being more successful than at other times. I truly feel at the center of my heart that the better we know our selves and know what motivates us, what our strengths and our weaknesses are, and embracing that knowledge, the better not only our lives become but the better our world becomes as well. We becoming more compassionate and understanding with one another. This is how we change the world one person at a time.
I tend to be a dreamer, adventurer and feeler. My guidance system in my life has been primarily my feelings. That has been a double edged sword especially when you are in allot of emotional, mental and physical pain that has not been processed or dealt with. The tendency then is the dark side of the feeler can emerge. Someone who can become angry, bitter, selfish and short sighted. I have experienced both sides of being a feeler. Thankfully I’ve worked through allot of the dark, so I see allot more light and hopefully exude more light to those around me.
From the time I was very young, I didn’t feel that I would live long. I strongly felt that I would die by the age of 30. There was no rational reason for this belief, and I didn’t share the belief with anyone till much later. But it was a very strong sense/presence within and coupled with the pain that I was in, it was a very strong directional force in my life. Due to that force, I experienced many different things in a very short period of time as an adult due to that belief. It seemed very self destructive to those around me but I couldn’t explain it. I understand it much better now. Doing past life work, I came to understand that I had died a number of times before the age of thirty, and many of those times were violent. That imprint carried through to this life. So that’s where the sense was born and transferred from.
Thankfully due to the time and work that I have invested in myself all these years, things are much better and brighter. I’m coming up on my 60th birthday at the end of this week. I feel deep within my Soul and Spirit that this is a remarkable turning point for me. I find this really interesting in a somewhat comical way, since the year leading up to this I have dreaded turning 60. It makes me laugh now. I have never dreaded turning older. When I turned 30, and was still here alive, on the planet I thought, okay now what the hell do I do? LOL. I’ve spent 30 years trying to figure that out. Up until then I had no goals per se, especially long term ones because I was so certain I wasn’t going to be here. Now that had changed. So for the next 30 years I have been trying to understand what my soul/life purpose is in this life.
I have come to a point where I don’t need to know anymore WHAT that purpose is. I just need to live my life in joy, love, kindness and compassion, choosing those things that feel good to me and make me happy. That’s how I best serve. I have turned over the need to know to TRUSTING that my destiny/purpose will be fulfilled, as long as I release any fear and doubt surrounding it.
I have been using my intent, desire and feelings to redirect the course of my life. The last few years I have felt stuck, but I don’t really think I was. I feel that I was working through allot of things internally, so the movement was inward and not so much outward then. That is changing now. I have been unsure about the timing of my new direction and path. But this morning I awoke from a very vivid dream telling me the time is now.
First of all, just for a reference point I don’t’ usually remember my dreams. But this one was extremely VIVID and COLORFUL, it imprinted into my being very strongly. It was a bright sun shiny day. I was looking up into the sky, and it was a beautiful bright blue, surrounded by ever green trees. It was almost like I was laying on the earth looking up into the sky and the trees framed a picture of the sky. It felt really familiar to me, like home. I realized after I awoke, it was the image of a place that my family camped at every year in California, where I grew up. It was extremely special to me with dearly held memories. A place of beautiful nature with redwood trees, wildlife and rivers.
The next thing I knew, my hand was being held and I was jumping into the water. I still had my clothes and shoes on. The thought that came as I hit the water, was that I still had my clothes on and then almost simultaneously I thought about how cold the water was going to be (the water was the swimming hole that we swam in as kids when camping that was really cold usually), and with my clothes and shoes on how hard it would be to stay afloat. Then almost immediately thereafter, the next thought was how surprisingly warm the water was, and how I was floating just fine. I could still feel the hand holding my hand as well. There was never a face associated with that hand holding mine. But I felt totally safe, warm and buoyant. I relaxed and just soaked in the beauty of it all. I woke up then.
I realized shortly after I had woken that this dream was not a coincidence or something weird I ate that created it. This dream was to reassure me that the time is now, and that I was to jump in with both feet, with no hesitation, clothes and all. That I was to not be afraid of letting go, that it was time. It reassured me that my hand would be held through this change and process, that I would be safe, protected and provided for on my new path.
Water has many symbolic spiritual meanings. Once before water had shown up in my dreams when I was 17, a dream I have never forgotten that foretold the tone of events for my life for many years, the storminess of the sea and an almost Jacob like experience with a whale.
For me in this instance it symbolized the flow of life. The swimming hole that the dream showed from my childhood was a river that had been damned up at a certain point to create the swimming hole that provided a safe place to swim, lots of joy, beauty and sustenance to those that came there, wildlife as well as humans. I also had a strong sense from this dream, that the fork in the road I took in my teens due to circumstances out of my control, had come back to set me on the path where I had left off to continue my journey. Wiser, stronger and more mature reconnected to my heart again and looking forward to the continuation of my life.
I am so blessed and thankful for the loving presence that is shared with me. Happy Birthday, Dawn. I am so happy for you.
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