Where Innocence and Joy Reside

My Background

My truth and path has been one of desiring to become a better person, I wasn’t sure what that meant when I began. I started seeking spirituality at a young age. At the time I thought I would find it in church. That led me to learn and experience various religious beliefs throughout my life to see how they felt to me. Some felt better than others.
When I was 17 before I graduated high school I left home because of difficulties there and I spent most of my adult life estranged from my immediate family. I spent the next 30 years looking for answers. I existed avoiding my shadow side.
I would find various paths that would help at different times, as well as read through stacks of self-help books. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, why I felt so bad and why life was so hard and not working for me. I wanted to be happy.
Unfortunately my children were witnesses to allot of this which included multiple marriages that failed, letting go of my children for a number of years, substance abuse of alcohol and drugs at various times, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of partners, depression, indiscriminate sexual encounters, as well as a rebellious and an independent spirit. I so desperately wanted to be accepted and loved for who I was. But what was that?
My life has changed dramatically over the last ten years. It culminated on a journey cross-country when I was moving back to California from Atlanta. I hit black ice and lost control of the vehicle I was driving. It flipped and slid down the median of the highway. At that moment my life literally and figuratively flipped upside down, or maybe I should say right side up. From that point on Spirit came into my life in a big way or maybe I was just paying better attention now.
An angel came into my life at that time in the form of my landlord. She was able to read people’s aura as well as being a clairvoyant. She told me I was supposed to learn and teach Reiki. I said what’s that? She said she didn’t know either, but I checked it out. That year I took Reiki I and II, and then the next year I took my Reiki Master class. My Reiki Teacher was the embodiment of what I desired.
Later in 2009 I went to an author talk and book signing in Monterey, CA. It was about Shamanism. The man there didn’t look like I had expected a Shaman to look like. This man was another angel that changed my life. After hearing him speak, I wanted to do what he did. So I found out where he learned what he knew. He said it was the Healing Light Body program at The Four Winds. From that point on I was passionate about attending the program and was finally able to start in April 2011 and concluded my classes in March of 2012.
As I have come to find out, all that I have experienced and everything I went through brought me to where I am today. There were gifts from these experiences…gifts of courage, trust, compassion, letting go, forgiveness, generosity and learning to like who I am and being okay with whatever that is. All along I was searching for me, the true me. I just wasn’t aware of it. But now I am. I am at peace now with the deep dark secrets of my past, including my shadow parts. I’m not afraid of them any longer.
As it turned out I cared for my mother for almost year in the second to the last year of her life. I learned allot about my mom during that time. It was one of the hardest years of my life as I know it was for her but all the puzzle pieces and questions of why were answered in that time we spent together. I will always cherish that time. I learned to love my mother again. That was another huge gift.
I have been blessed by many angels in my life…too many to note here….but thank you to each and every one of them, including my animal teachers.
My daughter asked me in a phone conversation, “Mom, what does it feel like to be where you are now after all this time?” Great question, it made me think about it. Here’s what I told her, “Besides being unbelievably amazing it has been the ultimate confirmation of what following my heart meant and yet I could have never imagined. Besides my love for my kids, my grandkids, my dog Java & cat Jadey, and dear, good friends… going to the Healing Light Body School at The Four Winds was the only thing I knew for sure that I had an all consuming desire for. My drive and passion to go through that program that’s all it took…oh yes, I almost forgot, it also took trusting in that belief enough to let go of everything else. From that point on all that followed expanded and supported that desire as long as I was willing to say yes, to be open and to just do it with no guarantees or promises. It has been the most exhilarating, as well as the most terrifying experience all at once. But I am so appreciative for listening and trusting.
Thankfully my children love me, support me and have forgiven me for my choices that affected them so deeply. They are truly the most forgiving people I know. I have so much admiration and respect for them as people; they too have been wonderful teachers and angels.
Now I want to help people and animals on their journey’s and paths. That’s my heart’s desire now.

Comments on: "My Background" (4)

  1. Healing Grief said:

    I was excited to read your post today. In 2007 my sister and I were introduced to the teachings and practice of Munay Ki by Alberto Villoldo and as strange as it seemed at first, it has changed our direction and philosophy in every part of our life.

    I am so happy to hear of others who are practising shamanic living and healing as I do not know many who are.

    As a Reiki practitioner and counsellor my practice is so much richer from this knowledge and I feel so blest to know this journey is exactly where I am meant to be. Thanks for sharing your story.
    Karen

    Like

    • Karen thank you so much for taking the time to check out my blog and share the Alberto Villoldo shamanic connection. It made a drastic change in my life especially with letting go of my old stories that I carried around for many years.

      Like

    • I know it can make huge differences for people coming in for sessions. I’m so glad that you reached out to comment. It is a blessing for me as well. Hugs. Dawn

      Like

      • Healing Grief said:

        Yes it is a gift I want everyone to receive and yet so few want to. That’s great you too are dreaming the impossible into being and living fully in this moment. Thanks Dawn.

        Like

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